'Slutty' Food?

Went for lunch with a friend of mine to a cafe / coffe house. As we ate our lunch I noticed the menu on the wall had an assortment of teas. The menu was brken up into two categories: "Bagged Teas" and "Loose Teas".
So of course I think of these poor tired teas, all bagged and waiting to be served up to some parasite consumer. Which of course leads me to reason that "Loose Teas" are the slutty teas of the world.
So basically now I'm eating my lunch and thinking... "If I can catch an illness from eating a sick cow, doesn't it stand to reason I can contract permiscuous tendencies if I drink a loose tea?"How about food? Miss Piggy looks to be a pretty sure thing. "What happens if I eat some slutty pork?"

This makes dining out pretty risque.... It used to be that consuming too much alcohol would make you regret your behaviour the following morning. With this information, I now wonder what else to expect...
If I'm out on a date and hoping for a little 'nudge-nudge wink-wink', should I be recommending a certain cut of pork or beef? Maybe chickens in general are pretty fast and loose? Who knows? Now I'm preoccupied with the question, "Which farmed animal is easier than the rest?" This is becoming quite disconcerting to me. Are pig pens by day actually "swine swapping sex parties" by night?

Are there loveless marriages created by the arrival of a love-child who otherwise wouldn't exist if it weren't for the combination of a pork roast combined by a glass of red wine and 'sex in a pan' for dessert?

Anyway...... Now I'm babbling when I should be getting ready to go Fringing. Perhaps I'll find an attractive woman standing in line eating some sort of pork sish-ka-bob (Sidenote: Why the heck is a meal on a stick called a 'shish-ka-bob? Is there some chef out there named Bob Shish-ka?). If so, I'll be able to test my 'food makes you easy' theory...... We'll see.